When are we coming to eat Jollof? When are we going to cut a cake? These are the type of questions people bombard me with at family parties and in the church. As a Nigerian lady, I’ve noticed that if you’re in your mid 20’s and you’re not engaged or do not have a boyfriend, people will start being concerned.
Read this in an African accent: ‘Ah ah, are you being too picky? Why don’t you have a boyfriend by now? Are you driving them away? It’s funny how they ask and accuse me of all these things. These are the same people that advised me to focus on getting a degree in university and not have a boyfriend because men are a distraction. So aunty, if I actually took your advice (not like it makes any difference to my current relationship status), how the hell am I supposed to be engaged right now lol?
Why Is Everyone Playing Cupid?
As I was saying, you will be interrogated by nosy family members about your love life. It’s inevitable! And don’t be surprised when they start playing cupid after the interrogation. The pressure is not a joke! People will start coming from left, right and center and try to hook you up with random guys. Some aunties and uncles will even come up to you and say that they’ve found “a husband” for you lol. This will really make you feel like you’ve been signed up to Matchmaker.com without even giving your consent lol.
These matchmaking situations can get a bit funny at times. I’ve found myself in some awkward situations…
There was a time when I randomly received a text from my Aunty saying: ‘I have this friend who’s looking for a wife. We both studied at the same university and he’s a great guy. Check out his insta and let me know what you think.’ Lol I was flabbergasted and wasn’t expecting that at all. If I received that text two years ago, I probably would’ve responded back in a rude way. But I know she means well so I kindly declined her proposal. I ended up telling her that I think we’re all in different places in life considering they both attended the same university over 10 years ago. I mean, I graduated not too long ago so I’m still a baby compared to them. And since then, she has left me alone lol.
Another occasion was when a family friend visited my house and had the audacity to talk about my love life in front of my dad. He said: ‘I know someone who likes you but he lives in Scotland. Can I give him your number?’ That was the most awkward situation I’ve experienced! I wanted to sink into the ground! There are certain things you don’t mention in front of your African dad and this is ONE of them! Again, I kindly declined this and said no. But guess what… A couple weeks later, I received a phone call from the admirer. That really ticked me off as I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in dating someone who lives in a different country. I’m not the biggest fan of long distance relationships but that’s another story for another day.
Too Much Pressure!
These awkward situations were happening a lot! If it happened one or two times, it would’ve been bearable. But it started getting a bit crazy for me when people weren’t respecting my wish about giving out my number. That was so annoying! Especially since I’ve NEVER asked anyone to find me “a husband”.
Things became a bit mad to the point where I started avoiding certain people at Church. It can really get awkward when a couple months have gone by and you still give them the same response to the same questions…
This adds pressure to just jump into any relationship so everyone can stop bothering you with all these wedding and matchmaking questions.
Take Your Time!
All these things I mentioned earlier can really stress a girl out! But it will only give you stress if you allow it to get to you. I really dislike the whole cupid thing. It made me feel as though they were adding pressure to hurry me into marriage. But when I started kindly declining the offers and taking everything that was said about my love life with a pinch of salt, life became less stressful. The fact that I’m not engaged nor in a relationship stopped stressing me out.
Don’t feel like you should start throwing the marriage question around your (potential) bae so you can hurry up and get married to shut everyone up. Don’t get married for the sake of having a ring to stunt on people. And please don’t throw a wedding when you’re not ready so people can eat Jollof at your expense. It’s more than just eating Jollof and dancing to a live band. These people will NOT be there when you guys live together so don’t base any marriage decisions on your nosy aunties who are nagging you to get married.
You want something that’s going to last. Don’t force a relationship as a way to fight the pressure you’re getting from your family. You shouldn’t get married to please your family. You should be jumping the broom without feeling pressured by anyone! Take everything with a pinch of salt like I do and take your time to find your Mr. Right. There’s no rush… take as much time as you need baby girl. I promise, your time will come.
Sugars and love,